my someday has come...

23 hours after 5 am Sunday morning...i met my daughter for the first time.

her name...miss adelaide jane

her weight...9 lbs. 2.4 oz.

her length...22 inches

her arrival...4:04 am

but that cannot explain miss addie jane. if you want, you can read below...otherwise, just admire the beauty that is my little girl. i can't believe i get to have her call me mommy.

at 5am sunday morning i woke up in bed thinking something didn't feel right, i thought i was just uncomfortable so i went to sleep on the couch, only the same feeling happened twice more. i woke up greg - who immediately jumped up, got dressed, got his iphone and turned his lap making app on and...well, waited.

i took a long shower and drank like a gallon of water...but the weird feelings kept returning. so, i called my mom, and my midwife. we were timing them and thought they were 20 min. apart, so my midwife said - go out, walk around a mall, a grocery store - anything. so -even though greg was embarrassed at the thought of me stopping mid-walk to groan loudly through a contraction, he took me to meijer and to sam's.

i had a contraction in the dvd section of meijer. it was bad.

then we got some food, and i laid on the couch for awhile. it was about 4:00 before i said, IT IS TIME TO GO.

i had two more contractions before we made it to good sam's triage/admission desk. and when they checked me - the nurse laughed, saying i had dilated to 4 and was almost completely effaced...and of course the awesome - "did you know you were 1-3 minutes apart?"

so, moral of the story. i don't have a clue when contractions begin and end, because for a few hours mine were right on top of each other so much so that i thought 4 or 5 of them were one big one.

i was admitted obviously, and checked a few hours later only to find out that i was 6 cm. by 6 or 7 pm - it was time for my epidural. a moment that i both feared and anticipated for months. and i was right to fear it. i can't explain what happened...it was mostly of blur of misery and absolute panic. the "bee sting" theory is bull$#!!...and the warm relief that follows is bull$#!! too. the dude had to stick my three different times, all i could yell was "LEFT SIDE" "LEFT SIDE" because literally - my left side was on fire and my right side felt NOTHING. i knew it wasn't right.

so, moral of the story. it takes longer than the 3 minutes promised and its not a bee sting. epidurals suck...and mine took the cake.

a few hours later - i had made it to 8 cm. and shortly after that i was a full 10 cm. but was at -2 station. meaning she was all up in my ribcage and not where she should be. so they pushed pitocin into my IV to move things along. By 2:30 am I was absolutely exhausted and REALLY NEEDING TO PUSH. only the nurse wouldn't let me...until greg took her gently outside and must have said something - and then, she let me.

oh yeah, did i mention i had to be redosed four times, and then when i couldn't stand the pain and had to push ( and because they would wear off way too fast) i got a "PUSHING DOSE". which by the way, is a cop-out for "we don't know what else to do except re-stick you".

now, i had been told that with an epidural all you feel is pressure. and that someone has to tell you when you are having a contraction so you know when to push. i knew without any help, and i told the nurses when i was going to push because i felt every last inch of pain + pressure and i knew the only relief was to push.

so i pushed for an hour or so, 4 at a time, screaming, being dramatic, and telling the nurse "STOP TELLING ME TO RELAX...YOU RELAX...I CANT..." and a few choice f-bombs later and wham, there she was, shiny, perfect, and mine.

4:04 am. everything changed. i am in love.

i will write more later.

i have to go squeeze her.

4th trimester

so i had this big venting post.

but nobody wants to hear all that.

so i erased it all....
here is an update on our little situation still rumbling around in me.

im still 3 cm
im still 50% effaced
her head is literally squishing down causing unbearable amounts of pressure
im still not sleeping - even with sedatives

and well, to put it bluntly, i think i am having a major case of the baby blues. so if i am not calling you back it is cause i am not great company or conversation right now - believe me, i am sparing you the misery. i even erased my first post to save you all.

definition of baby blues (of course this is supposed to happen after the kid is born) :
• Your emotions will be in flux. Within the first week or two of giving birth, many new moms experience the "baby blues." You may find yourself moody and weepy, exhausted, unable to sleep, or feeling trapped or anxious. Your appetite can change, too — you might want to eat more or less. The good news is this emotional upheaval will generally pass within two to three weeks.

don't worry, you can thank me later for editing myself out for a bit.

40 weeks and COUNTING

ummm...so i have an appt in a half an hour.

someone say a prayer that i am like 5 cm. dilated and they have to send me straight to the hospital.

otherwise, i am going to stand in the hallway of their offices and push her out...until they agree to induce asap.

so, here goes, i am off...i will update you soon.

last day...

so i have officially put in for maternity leave.

everyday that i have left school for a week now, i have left detailed notes as to what should happen if i don't come back the next day.

i can't do it anymore. its deflating to my spirit to come back every morning to my notes.
so i told my principal that today is my last day. i am prepared to just be home and miserably waiting for her to arrive. even if it isn't for another freaking week.

i can't walk that hallway to that bathroom one more time, or wait for the elevator to go anywhere one more time, or summon up enough energy to do anything but word searches and crosswords and speed drills with my students. they deserve better. so i am out.

my line in the sand was when i asked two of my favorite girl students to "go over there and see what the HELL those boys are doing". i of course apologized the next day. i am sure if they told their moms at all - they probably just laughed. but its the principle of the thing.

so, at 2:45 - i don't work here until May. i am having a hard time wrapping my mind around not being here. i know it sounds funny, but i love these kids, and the idea that i won't get to laugh with them is sorta killing me. and i think its sorta the way i am going to feel when i drop p.j. off at daycare. i am gonna miss her everyday stuff...the little moments...that you can't get back.

okay, if i don't stop typing i will start crying. so...signing off as a teacher today.
hopefully signing on next time as a mommy.

39 and bored

so i have nothing to say...

i am 39 weeks today.

3 cm dilated.

50 % effaced.

a huge thunderstorm is on its way.

and i am still pregnant. very very pregnant.

whoa...

so

had a doctors appt today...and she checked me...

and i am three centimeters dilated...and 50 percent effaced.

they say i am progressing well naturally, and there should be very little reason for an induction. that i will most likely go before the weekend.

and that i should really start paying attention to the routine of the pain i have been having...as in, start looking for the kind of cramping that comes in a pattern, 2-5 minutes apart, for atleast an hour. as in, contractions.

i think at that point - while i am extremely uncomfortable with pressure as it is right now - i kinda freaked out at the idea of more pain coming. the midwife even said so..."you look really nervous" "you okay?"

what do you say to that?

my whole life is about to change any hour now, i have a concrete tummy every hour for atleast ten minutes, and i am so tired.

so of course, i said "yeah, i am okay" " or atleast i believe i will be"

she was great about my lie - if she believed it - then maybe i can too!

she must not be a morning person

so..i have this routine with pj...she wakes me up at 2:30 am....then again at 4 am...and then jumps around some more after i have had some morning sugar.

only this morning...i slept until 5:35 am...and felt nothing from her even after a big glass of apple juice. so i knew something was wrong.

i called the midwife on-call...woke greg up...and at 6:45 we left for good sam.

in minutes i was hooked up to a fetal monitor and i could hear her heartbeat. which was strong. then they did an exam (PAINFUL) and checked to see if i was dilated at all...

we have 1 cm. 9 to go. and its softened.

then they did an ultrasound to check fluid levels around her, and she was jumping around in there, staring at the camera, doing her breathing exercises, and showing off her very full bladder.

no explanation for the non-movement...just that she wanted to freak me out.

just get here already little girl...get here safely so my blood pressure doesn't stay elevated.

38 measuring 40

so i went to the doctor yesterday...

i am measuring 40 weeks, and am so swollen that it is starting to look like i have elephantitus of my ankles and my hands. i can't even get earrings in anymore-yes my holes have closed up! i tried to pick up captain crunch off the kitchen floor and my finger couldn't touch my thumb to create a grasp-i had to scoop them up by pressing my flattened hands together. WTH!

my blood pressure was also elevated, but they are not thinking preclampsia cause i have none of the other symptoms. my midwife just simply noted to me that 'some women swell and others don't...you are just one of the lucky ones that does'

freaking fantastic.

and the elevated blood pressure probably had to do with the road conditions being crappy on my way there as i fishtailed all over the highway and up and down the taft ramp. probably didn't help my blood pressure any that it took me 2.5 hours to get home from clifton...(should have taken 20 minutes)

sooooo.....anyway......her heartbeat was strong, and she is a big one, as yet again commented by my midwife.

she asked if i wanted her to check my cervix...and i thought about it...and then decided that i couldn't know. cause if there is no progress and i feel the way i feel...then i don't need to be let down, and terrified of how much worse its going to get in two weeks.

i mean, i am hyper alert of every pain, cramp, tightness, joint ache...i don't need to know that my cervix has been lazy in the midst of all this.

so to pamper myself i went with my friend stacy to get a pedicure...which seriously felt like i was getting a full body massage. it was spectacular...she just kept rubbing from my ankles to my knees as if to push all that fluid away from feet. i just kept telling her thank you thank you thank you...

so there you have it. i am like 12 days from her due date. with pretty purple toes. enormous ankles. hips that pop in and out of their sockets. and a belly that is constantly moving side to side.

pregnancy in the last three weeks is not fun. and any woman that tells you different was induced at week 37.