thirty-three...

so we are 33 weeks today.

and tonight it becomes 2009.

i am feeling a little anxious about this year and all the changes it will bring.

for the rest of my life i will be thinking about this year...in a good way. maybe it will make up for 2008 when i lost my grandma - maybe my grandma will find her way into making this first year with my daughter a spectacular one. there are signs of her all over pj's nursery. her picture on the wall, books my grandma read me, butterflies above pj as she sleeps, and her first tutu in her closet. i know she is here...i know how much she would love to see pj...so i am certain she is finding her way into our new year.

as for greg and i, we are gearing up for the "change" ahead. her bedroom is a calming place for both of us, with clothes that smell like baby hung in her closet according to month...baskets filled with toys, blankets, diapers, etc., books on her shelf and socks in her drawers.

i am still wondering the same things though...what will she look like, will she want to be breastfed, how the hell will i get her out of me, will my water break during a school mass...you know, the normal things that keep me up at night even though i am completely exhausted.

for right now, the kicks are getting more painful as she has found my ribs and has discovered how to kick them over and over...and while i am moving more like a penguin, i am moving slightly faster than i was last week when all i could feel was a painful stretching across my belly.


signs of pregnancy bliss : not only can i not tie my own shoes or put the orange juice back correctly, but i also am starting to not fit in restaurant booths - there is too little space for my belly (which shoots straight out) to fit comfortably - and i get cramped up and leave in pain.

oh and i waddled into the post office and some lady coming out said to me "whoa, you look like you are about to burst" "when are you due" - and for shear pleasure i felt like saying "in 5 months" just to make her feel bad...but i told her the truth.

man i am too nice.

and she shall be graceful..or atleast look cute trying

so i was out and about today...

and i was simply glancing over at the kids clearance rack...

and it jumped out.

more like gracefully leapt out.

pj's first tutu.

it was 2.99 - what little girl is complete without a pink tutu?

and she shall wear it everywhere.

i wish they had one in my size, but i don't think strangers would think that was as cute as seeing a 4 month old in one....so i will live vicariously.

oj in the closet?

yes...i think i have reached my full pregnancy brain.

i wanted orange juice the other night. so i poured myself some.

and the next day when greg went to get a glass out of the cabinet...

he found the jug of orange juice next to the glasses.



i want my brain back.

32 weeks and a whoa...

so i am still laughing a little inside about the ultrasound technician saying "whoa" when her foot popped up on the screen. as in, she's a big one.

and i am getting crazy excited to meet pj.

my appointment on Monday went well. the midwives all think i am so funny. and i can't figure out why...i mean, they ask me everytime what my birth plan is...and i just say "PAINLESS".

this time we had the talk. the contraction talk. it is so weird to me to have to have that talk already. and that anyday, anytime, i could actually feel one. fake or not...i could actually feel one.

so she went through the procedure for what i should do. only i kept laughing, cause she said if i do feel one, drink lots of water and lay down with my feet up, or take a hot shower or bath. i am thinking if this happens during school - the shower may be tricky.

greg and i signed up for a birthing class. it says bring pillows and a blanket. what are we doing...acting it out? i am not sure i am up for that. plus, the thought of holding my legs open and up for any length of time just stresses me out.

an update on pregnancy bliss : got my first heartburn today. that was crazy painful. and it is getting harder and harder to get out of bed - and to move after being in the same place or position for two long. like my legs are separating from my body and being replaced with painful sticks of concrete. it's creating a very attractive walk - i must say.

merry christmas by the way, and yes the 'by the way' is on purpose. doesn't feel much like christmas. all the parking lots are accessible, lines aren't long, and i am not nearly as stressed out as i should be.

i even had time to make 36 deviled eggs and a pecan pie today. that was after shopping, and a mini-nap. explain that people? so i will new year you all later, for now, make the most of the eve of christ's birth. i finally feel mary's pain.

31 and happy...

hey, i guess today makes her as many weeks as i am in years. that is a crazy thought.

i am still basking in the glow of happiness. even this rotten cold that has suddenly taken over my body is no match for the good thing my baby and i have going.

i just measured my belly - the way they do during the appointment (from top to bottom over the mountain) and i am close to 41 cm. explain that people. it is supposed to match the weeks you are. ahem.

our little stinker definitely has a sleeping pattern down. she is pretty calm and quiet from 3am-8am then again from 11am-1pm then again from 3pm-5pm ... very odd. but i have noticed the lack of flashdance moves within - and they say that is normal.

i am feeling really stretched right now. but now that i know how big she is...it makes sense. poor girl, i hope she has enough room in there. i think she hears me typing and she likes it, cause she is kicking hard. could be that third glass of OJ that i just downed though. who knows?

anyway, we are both 31 today. and i just can't wait to meet my daughter.

whoa...pj is pushing maximum density

so my sweet little girl is going to be okay. the ultrasound today confirmed that both the cysts had dissolved. all four chambers of her little heart are perfect. her big feet are perfect. her long limbs are perfect. her little wisps of hair are perfect. her five fingers and five toes are perfect. her stomach is perfect. her lips are perfect. her spine is perfect. her round belly is well, round. and her flexibility...well, not only can i feel that constantly, but she proved it by keeping her toes in her mouth throughout most of the ultrasound.

she is 4.6 pounds. people...its week 31. holy moly. most of the baby books say she should be around 3.3 -3.5 pounds. she is 4.6. good god. she is my daughter.

greg and i are elated. what was amazing this time was watching her move and simultaneously feeling her move. seeing her face, watching her play hide and seek. i am just so happy right now.

here are some photos from her last shoot...she is such a ham for the cameras.

i don't do bathrooms now...

so this weekend greg and i got so much accomplished. new trimwork cut and painted, pj's mobile hung above her crib, a new color for our bathroom, a scrubbed and scoured freshness to the bathroom, and a new fixture that adds much needed light to that bathroom....

only, i think i did too much. cause i cramped and spotted last night...and when i called the midwife to check to make sure i was okay...she said "what did you do today" and when i rattled off the long list - she said "well, of course that would happen...take it easy"

so i am going to take that as...don't clean the bathroom. sorry greg. you have a new job until February. of course there is the healing time too...make that March.

thanks babe.

thirty, flirty, and thriving...

so...we made it to the ten week mark.

ten weeks.

she could be here sooner.

i was really freaking out for a bit to think about how my entire life is going to change in a matter of ten silly weeks.

until i was at Qdoba (the best burrito place EVER) and there was this hot dad standing in line behind me. and he started yelling my actual baby name out saying "come here ( " PJ " ), come here ( " PJ " ) " and i turned around and there was this little girl with blonde bouncing curls and blue eyes, smiling ear to ear, dressed head to toe in pink - waddling like a 16-18 month old kid would - coming towards the hot man standing next to me.

and i thought to myself - i can't wait for my life to change because no matter how hard being a mom is going to be, being ( "PJ" ) 's mom is going to be the best thing i have ever done in my entire life.

i jumped in my imagination to that moment when greg is up in line, calling out her name, and she is waddling with glee towards him. i just melted with happiness. call me hormonal...but i think that was the best burrito i've ever eaten.

go get a burrito and cry with happiness - its a good ending to a long day.

signed, sealed...delivered?

so i have been trying to figure out what her taste in music will be...i play all sorts of music and wait for her to get moving in there.

turns out she is an official stevie wonder fan. found out this morning.

i couldn't be more proud of her choices already. she is so smart.

"i feel like this is the beginning, though i've loved you for a million years...how could so much love be inside of you"

what a great moment i just had with my daughter.

now we just have to worry about her taste in men.

29 weeks...

or as my classroom blog puts it...75 days until pj arrives.

so most of my nights now consists of trying to sleep while pj throws mini-dance parties in there.

which means one or two things...1. that she will be a night owl like her daddy and/or 2. she will be a fantastic dancer like her mama.

one other thing i have noticed since entering my third trimester...i can barely put socks and shoes on without being completely out of breath. gone are the days of quickly resting my foot up onto my knee to gracefully put on my sock of choice whilst my shoe awaits below. now its a process that leaves me making grunting noises - and my socks...need to be looser - and my shoes need to be shoestringless otherwise poor greg has to do the tying.

also - yesterday on the playground for recess i had a mom tell me how she was so nervous when she was pregnant cause she kept losing weight in every area except her belly...how she was just all belly... and i felt like i was going to have one of those movie moments where i turn to the camera and pull my hair while i let out a blood-curdling scream.

so instead of screaming, i hiked up my rubberbanded pants, said "oh that must have been nice" and rang the bell two minutes early. i had a part of a cherry flavored candy cane when i made it back to my desk. and it was good.

bittersweet saturday

so, the only way to describe yesterday is to call it bittersweet.

1. it was my grandma's birthday...and i still miss her like crazy.
2. my aunt's store, the century house in glendale, burned to the ground.
3. my first baby shower was thrown by my aunts.

so the first meant that i cried a little thinking about how there was never a gift that my grandma wanted other than time with her...and maybe a nice letter...and i wish i could have given her that yesterday.

the second left me stunned. and deeply sad for my aunt susy who has everything wrapped up in that beautiful old store. and amazed at what one little candle and something falling on it can do in such a short time. i know there is a silver lining in this situation somewhere...and i really hope that she finds it.

the third happened as the century house was burning...therefore my aunt susy and my mom could not attend my shower...but it was okay cause i barely felt like i was there myself... i was thinking about a billion things other than my shower...so when i heard my cousin say to my sister "man she sounds just like your mom" while i was trying to do my best at entertaining as my mom would have done - i have to admit i felt better and tried to be more present.



and pj got some fantastic stuff...all of her carseats and strollers...her monitor, changing pad and covers, lots of rattles, toys, pacifiers, cute stuffed animals, her first doll, and clothes of course. its all been put away in her room in great anticipation of her arrival. she is one very lucky little girl. daddy even put together her first stroller, and we practiced hooking the pumpkin seat into it...cause she will be in there in less than 12 weeks now. wow.

12 weeks to go...

now that i am in my third trimester...for some reason all i can think about is what she looks like.

i've been up to my elbows in family pictures, creating a photo gallery for my mom.

i look at each baby photo a little more closely these days...imagining a similar face smiling back at me in a few short weeks. but who knows, right?

but it doesn't matter who she ends up looking like, i just want her to be a happy little girl, smiles and all.

(by the way, that is me...somewhere around 2-3 months...go ahead...seriously...make that gushy little awwwww sound...you know you want to)

no news is great news...

so i am assuming by the NON-communication between my midwives and myself that ALL IS WELL with the glucose test....just in case you couldn't get anything accomplished without knowing for sure that i am going to be fine.
soooooo....i say,

happiness is a warm, fresh donut. covered in icing...and sprinkles.

sugar is gooood. sugar is my friend.

room to grow...

so, this weekend LOTS has been accomplished. I can only imagine what I will get finished while on Thanksgiving break.

here are some pics to give you a glimpse into pj's world 'to be'... thanks dad, thanks nick...

27 and measuring 29

so tomorrow i am officially 27 weeks. today, pj, who does not like heartbeat monitoring machines proved herself to be in a bubble that measures two weeks ahead of herself, at a whopping 29 weeks.

i am so proud.

and wait, how do i know that she does not like those sound monitoring wands...cause she kicked so hard that i actually saw her push out my skin this time. oh my defiant little one. this is going to get interesting. but we got her heartbeat anyway, a strong 140. so she can kick all she wants, as long as she stays strong. i say bring it on.

and i was brave today too. two vials of blood for the glucose test. and one major flu shot.

and to top it off, the nice woman who needled me told me how she found out a few years ago that she has chloroid plexis cysts on her brain. that they are normal things, that my daughter, even if they haven't dissolved by week 28, will be totally fine.

so, the next ultrasound to check for dissolution of cysts is scheduled dec.16. they have to use some major piece of equipment...atleast that is how they described it to me. so i have to take a bit off from school for the first time during this pregnancy.

i have high hopes. she is obviously a force to be wreckon with...i have no doubt she will be fine no matter what the outcome of the ultrasound is...

ahhh...there she goes again, kick kick kick

just a little hiccup...

just for record keeping sake...pj has begun to hiccup. it is the strangest and sweetest feeling. i love it. my students were laughing at the idea of it...but she hiccupped straight for like 15 minutes in my class this morning. my students tried to suggest ways to make her stop...somehow i don't think i can get a pencil in her mouth while she drinks water, OR, better yet try to scare her out of them...

....7th graders are too funny. they can't wait to meet her, and its so sweet to hear that from them.

i think she is hiccupping cause she is nervous about our appointment today...its the glucose test.

don't worry pj - your mommy is doing enough of that for both of us.

that's right...i'm a medal winning mama

so i woke up early this morning...actually i had been up since about 1 am due to my non-sleeping habit. what i meant to say is i woke up my friend stacy very early this morning. the two of us participated in the Ursuline 5K Run/Walk.

and even though it was sleeting...and so cold that my nose was breathing in ice crystals...we walked 3.1 miles around the Blue Ash area.

stacy walked in place of my mom. so she was registered in the 60 and over category. but me...i was registered as myself, and therefore, WON A MEDAL for my age group.

now, i know, i know. there weren't that many people in my age group there...and walking.

but you know, i will take that gosh darn medal. cause i was the only one there 6 months pregnant and busting my ass up and down those hills. thank you very much.

i think pj would be proud of me. of course i think my walking lulled her back to sleep - only after she started the race sitting on some nerve of mine and causing me terrible cramping. who knows maybe this will be a new thing for me, entering races and winning medals...

or maybe this was the last time-so i can keep my glowing position.

(THANKS STACY...SORRY YOU DIDN'T WIN IN THE 60 and over category...BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

26 and still kickin'

so....the nursery is coming together nicely.

i made up her crib tonight. i am in love with it. i immediately pictured some big chubby smile peering out over the top of the adorable bumper. it is perfect.

and week 26 hasn't been so bad, we've accomplished so much this week as far as the house goes, and i think pj has accomplished quite a bit of growth.

she must be bigger than the pound and half they say she is...cause, she is getting heavier to carry around, and i can feel her in my back. she kicks now in different directions...so its either the splits she is doing in there, or she is practicing for both soccer and volleyball.

hey whatever is going to get her the scholarship.

i will post pics soon of the made-up-crib...and how cute was it to get to hang two little dresses in her closet on tiny little hangers. ahhhhhhhh.

ok, i will shut up now.

a evening playdate...

so this is what happened the last time we watched miss ella so that her parents could enjoy each other's company out on the town.

but i have to say, last night, she was a perfect little angel for us - we played on my blackberry, then we cuddled while she let me read a good night story to her, then after a quick tear or two she was down for the count.

we are available...most nights...for parenting-prep-lessons (babysitting).

Only Greg requires a big screen television, and Meg requires freshly baked brownies.

mommy+fashionable=still the same meg

this is the purse/diaper bag/patent leather piece of heaven that i spoke of forever ago. it is huge, it is silver inside, it is so much fun to wear, it will kill me to put smelly diapers in here...but i will find a way to get past that for the sake of loveliness and deliciousness that comes with using it.

go ahead...drool...i did. or make fun, nothing will be as cool as pj and i and our big yellow bag.

hee hee...she is kicking just looking at it.

okay...okay...here we are...

there have been many requests for this image...not sure why. there is not a single angle of me that is still flattering. so enjoy...this is pj after cooking for 6 months. she kicks constantly, loves when i am laying down, and stretches her body out atleast twice a day. this is the only painful part so far.

i am not complaining at all though. i will take all the swelling this little miracle can throw at me for the next three months.

but then she better behave once she's out. did'ya hear that pj?...behave.

things are moving right along...

we are completely registered...which is a great relief.

although, just looking at the list of things this child needs causes great anxiety.

but she is lucky...she has a great family who have all pitched in to help give pj a fashionable start.

her grandpa schneider came over and helped put together the bottom of her changing table (which will be painted black by her loving mommy) and daddy helped out too!

soon her nana lynch will be making the cutest curtains for the windows...and even before those curtains are hung, the crib will be made up thanks to both her grandparents!

daddy spent some time this morning and put together the comfy glider for baby pj and mommy to sit in for those 3am feedings...or more like daddy and pj. ahem.

ahhh...pj's room is really starting to look like a baby could live in there. let's hope mommy can part with her closet for all the new baby clothes!

we can't wait for pj!

25 was a good week...to turn 31.

so pj celebrated my birthday week with me...well, she didn't really have a choice.

in the morning on nov. 3 - my loving husband had my favorite donuts waiting...
then my students were terrific all day for me...
then after lunch i had flowers, balloons, and the typical zips gift certificate from room moms...
then i had a book of cards from my students waiting for me...
then i came home and opened awesome gifts from greg...
then went to a memorial mass for my grandma...
then had tasty pizza...
then ate cheesecake before bed.
all in all i'd say pj and i had a perfect day on Monday.


then Tuesday happened.
and there are few words i have to express my emotions. standing in line for over an hour in the darkness of 6 am. watching the republican flyers being dismissed right and left by the line of voters that circled the entire parking lot. it was fantastic.
and then the results. those results. i immediately thought two things. how elated my grandma would have been (once she made her comment about hillary being better). she would be smiling and celebrating the change that so momentously came with that decision. she was smiling in heaven for sure. and then i thought, how proud i will be to bring a baby into a world that i am proud of...and how she will know that she can be whatever she wants to be, that we are all equal, that we all deserve opportunity. it was just delicious. and yes..i cried.

then the day-after-the-world-changed-glow was still there on weds. to say a little prayer for her 25 week turnover.

and thursday brought parent conferences. a day that usually ends in tears. usually mine. but this year, moms and dads told me that their kids loved me, that i was funny, entertaining, and one their favorites. ahhhhh shucks. gee whizzzz. thanks.

and now its friday. and parent conferences were harmless. a 180 degree difference from last year. and by 10 i was home and out of my tight pants.

what a week! i am exhausted with great amounts of happiness swirling around me. i can't complain about anything even for a second.

ahhhh she likes shopping...

well, atleast i like to think that she does.

she did very well for over two and 1/2 hours of registering. and while it wasn't everything she needed down on the list, i think it is getting more and more real - as i picked out the things she would be sleeping in, playing with, and wearing while eating.

it is UH-MAZING how much stuff a baby needs. and we aren't doing all the extra-extra stuff...just basics, and then borrowing the rest from her cousins. i really was blown away.

so, she only kicked a few times, but remained relaxed for mama so she could shoot the registry gun at a million little things and not feel sick with all the movement.

all in all it was a wonderful day. thank you mom, thank you kate...and thank you baby joshua for being such a good little sleeper.

maybe she will be a dancer

i just got back from the ballet,
my grandmother, my mom and i have been going, sitting in the first row for too many years to remember.

its drastically different without my grandma. but i think its when i feel her the most. it feels good to be there, smiling at the memories of grandma and i eating up the eye candy on stage, and winking at our favorite male dancers, while comparing their "packages". today, my favorite (also my grandmas favorite) was a soloist in Dracula.

it was dark and scary, and wonderful!

and pj kicked the ENTIRE TIME. maybe they were ballet steps, or she liked how loud the music was, or perhaps she plans on being one of those freakish goth kids wearing all black and worshipping the moon or worse..wicca.

i think i will enroll her quickly into dance classes to avoid the dog collar, white make-up and black lipstick.

yeah. dancer for sure.

dear god,

please.

ooops is it thursday already?

forgot to do my wednesday update. i am officially 24 weeks. pj celebrated by making her mom sleep on the couch in order to get one more hour of shut-eye. mama's back is hurting but there was a shocking amount of energy today for her...

ahhhh, waking up at 4:30 instead of 3:30 is a blessing. i am accepting all blessings this week.


wish me luck, tomorrow i tell my students who will travel to Australia in April and who will not...and the parents with their fiery horns will unleash their fury upon me. and i will cover pj with my arms and shrink into the closest corner behind my desks. and here is my religion teacher moment for you:

Lord, grant me the serenity throughout my day tomorrow that i will need to make it through the weekend of endless hate-emails. Let the parents of my rejected students bite pillows rather than turn their abuse towards me. Be with me as i share the news with my students, giving me the numbing power to deflect all their anger towards satan. For thine is the kingdom and power and the glory...from thy bounty through christ our lord amen.

jesus, don't let them hurt me.

playing with balls.

remember when you were a little girl, and you thought it was funny to tuck sports balls in your shirt to pretend you had a pregnant belly...

well my soccer ball is real and its kicking on its own...i am 24 weeks tomorrow. the description of a belly at this stage in the "game" is that it's the size of a soccer ball.

very weird how i have come full circle. atleast when i was young and pretending, i didn't have to put a rubber band in my button hole to keep my pants up.

finally...she's as corny as her mama

so...i'm just about 24 weeks. which according to the baby:food ratio puts PJ at about the length of an ear of corn or just over 1 foot. now if you know me at all you know how much i love corn. and while she won't be able to have it for awhile, i suspect that PJ will love it just as much as i do...

i can see her now, chomping down and attacking the ear in the same sweet way that i do. and i promise to not make fun of her, even though i have suffered for years while enjoying this delightful non-nutricious starch on a stick.

to all those of you who thought you were so funny by ripping on me as i ate corn, you can just forget about making fun of PJ...cause you'll have to face her mama, with an ear in her hand waiting to strike back.

here's to corn. the greatest gift we stole from the indians, besides land.

two heartbeats...

ha..by two i meant, my daughter's and my own.

yesterday at my appt. the midwife asked how things were...i told her how much this baby loves to move. and when she went for the heartbeat...she believed me.

"whoa, she sure is!" as p.j. kept kicking or punching the ultrasound wand. it took forever, but then finally, i heard this huge loud beating noise.

and since it didn't sound normal and completely offbeat - i asked in concern "what is that"

my midwife explained that it was mine and my daughter's beating right on top of each other. so i got to listen to hers and mine...loud and out of sync.

i hope that is not a sign of things to come. i would hope that this child is more ballet than football, more dancing than sitting, more laughter than boredom,

but no matter what, she will be an individual. i can guarantee that.

but just in case, i think i will hook the headphones up to the belly to make sure she has great taste in music, and a good beat to dance to in there.

so i am 23 weeks, measuring perfectly, and of course, gaining weight. grrrrrrr.

i have a good recipe for spaghetti squash...

well, apparently pj is approximately the size of a spaghetti squash...which weirds me out entirely since i thoroughly enjoy the vegetable. unlike the week where she was an avocado.

and she is in squish' squashin' around in there, keeping me up with her tossing and turning. she especially likes to bounce around while i am teaching.
while i would like to think that means she already loves school...my thought is that she hears me talking, and laughing loudly and is responding to all the noises the kids make.

so we will see. i think she will be like her mama and prefer the social aspect rather than the academics.

we are 22 weeks today. and if she is on schedule, her baby lips are becoming more pronounced, her wrinkled skin is covered in fine hair, and she looks more like a newborn baby than her former skeletal self. she even has tooth buds. anything that ends in 'bud' is pretty darn cute.

10 more weeks til the next ultrasound. and yes, the countdown has begun.

ah yes, and a mother at school today said to me "boy, you sure are popping out!"

i still can't decipher whether that means, "boy, you are huge" OR "boy, how exciting!"

i am pulling the latter, even though it feels like the former every time. especially on a day where i had to rubberband my pants together cause there was no way i could button them.

geeez.

21 and sober

so...we are OFFICIALLY more than halfway there...

i mean, im a math teacher...i know that 21 weeks out of 40 is 1 week over half...i also know that 21/40 in decimal form is 0.525 which is greater than 0.5 if you are comparing them on a number line...

sorry, we are doing decimals, fractions and percents right now. it is in my head.

and according to the baby countdown that i have going with my students - we are like 132 days away from the due date.

(i don't like it in days, i will keep my percent count, and my weekly counts instead)

good sam...great hospital

so tonite greg and i went on a meet and greet with the nine midwives that are at our practice.
now of course, thanks to the many dramatic moments pj has given us, we had already met 5 of them...but it was nice to meet the others. any of them could potentially be in the delivery room with us...so its nice to put a face and a personality to a name on some paper.

the biggest thing though was the tour of the labor delivery rooms at good sam.

i will be honest, i have been hesitant, and in many ways unhappy that i am delivering there. its a confusing hospital that i know nothing about - most of its hallways are old (original to the building) and it has several unpleasant smells.

but the labor delivery rooms...they are like hotel suites. hardwood floors, soft lighting, open space, huge bathrooms with spacious showers, beautiful porcelain sinks and tiled bathrooms.

and they even have flat screens...with dvds.

i think greg will be in heaven...although i told him he was not allowed to bring American Gangster in to watch while i am in labor.

all in all it was a good night, that put even more of my fears to rest.

pj is going to be fine, and now, so will her mama when she goes to meet her for the first time.

and....scene.

so, in today's dramatic episode...mama calls her doctor and the doctor puts her on hold for an unbelievable amount of time...then forwards the call to a midwife.

the ringing of the phone after waiting for so long makes mama NERVOUS.

then, a sweet new character comes onto the phone to tell mama that the results say the screen was negative.

in exasperation, mama screams "yes, but what does that mean?" "it is supposed to be NORMAL or ABNORMAL...NOT negative or positive?"

and the calm lady says..."well, negative means they found nothing...so does that help?"

"THANK YOU!!!!!!THANK YOU JESUS" mama screamed in exaltation..suddenly becoming more religious.

and pj got new outfits from her grandma pammy, and they all went on about their day, only this time...smiles were a bit bigger and a good night's sleep would be more than just a dream.


thanks to everyone that texted, prayed, thought of us, called...etc. pj is going to be okay and i know its in part to your believing in that for us this week.

party at p.j.'s crib

so...the crib is up. daddy greg put his skills to work this morning and surprised mama and p.j. with a no-fuss set up.

mama and p.j. were so happy that they cleaned both bedrooms without complaining while dancing (on beat of course) to michael jackson.

pictures to follow soon: of the crib, of the new rug, of the gorgeous diaper bag, of the belly... i swear.

p.j. is on the move...

so in some weird way, i think p.j. is trying to calm her mama down.

all last night, p.j. kept reminding her that she was fine, and that no matter what the results are on Monday...she would definitely keep moving, and growing...

and you can believe me or not, but she kept kicking on a beat. like she was dancing.

just like her mama does.

halfway there...

and trying to stay positive.

thanks for all your prayers and positive thoughts. greg and pj and i are very lucky to have such great people in our lives.

last night we used our heartbeat monitor for the first time. it took me a few minutes, but then in a very calm and happy moment, we found pj's heartbeat. its distinctly faster than my own so i can tell the difference.

it was the first time greg had heard her.

it was really special.

and today marked twenty weeks for us. twenty weeks...i remember when 12 seemed really far off and it was all i wanted to get to because that was somehow the week that meant everything was safe. But now it feels like i am waiting for week 32 desperately to be assured that everything is safe. i am beginning to think there aren't any more SAFE weeks in my life. just one worry after another, hopefully mixed with a lot of funny moments.

but i thought today, why wish the weeks to go so fast. she is coming no matter what results come on Monday, or come on her birthday.

so thank you for your positive thoughts - they have crept into my head somehow, and i found myself laughing with my students today for the first time not thinking about how scared i am for pj.

it felt good.

dramatic scene #466

i am not even sure if this is something to blog about. but writing has always made me feel better. and i guess if you are all reading this cause you want to keep updated, this would be important to share.

plus maybe one or two of you reading this knows something that i don't...and well...i am having a hard time talking about it, without breaking down into a mess so its better that you read rather than decipher through my annoying tears. by the way, no, its not really something i am loving to talk about these days - so just say a prayer for me and i will keep you updated about anything.

i got a call yesterday from one of my midwives. she said that on the ultrasound that was done last weds. that they found what are called bilateral choroid plexus cysts on her brain.

which in terms that i understand means: she has a cyst on either side of her brain.

what that means to us: blood tests taken yesterday to screen for down syndrome (T-13), spina bifida, and T-18. if my tests come back NORMAL then there is very little to worry about and about 95% of the time the cysts dissolve after 28 weeks. if my tests come back ABNORMAL then the only thing they can do for us is offer an amniocentesis to determine an even greater chance of one of those 3 disabilities. and that is a test that i am not sure i would even undergo because of the high level of risk for such an unsure assessment.

NONE of these options guarantee the cysts will dissolve. NONE of these guarantee that our child will be born with a disability. NONE of these are as good as another ultrasound at week 32 (December 24) to determine for sure that the cysts have in fact dissolved.

here's what we have to be hopeful for (a list i am really trying to committ to memory) :
1. everything else on the ultrasound was normal
2. i am under 35
3. i have no history whatsoever of disability in my family history, neither does greg
4. monday or tuesday of next week when we find out the results of the blood tests

this hasn't been the greatest week on record people...vomitting, fainting, cysts. and i know that positive thoughts are important...so if you could all think some for me and baby pj it would be much appreciated. i am really trying hard to think some for us too.

thanks

for first time ever...

i am being told to eat more.

so today started out great. i woke up after an almost entire nights sleep, had a bowl of cereal by 830. i had showered, and set off to run some errrands.

while standing at a kinko's picture making machine, i started to get the shakes. kinko's started to spin around and around, and i knew leaning against the machine wasn't enough.

so dripping in sweat, white as a ghost, shaking with that pre-puke feeling...i dropped to the ground.

thank god there was a nice man unloading boxes right beside me. he asked if i was alright...i said nope. he ran and got one of the nice kinko's workers, who immediately brought me a chair, and a glass of water. i called greg, then my midwife.

minutes later greg was there to pick me up, and the doctor called back saying that maybe i should come in and have my vitals and the baby's checked. So off to Good Sam we went.

in conclusion of dramatic scene #465 Baby PJ is fine with a lovely heartrate, and great leg powers as she kept kicking the ultrasound wand. Baby mama however had low blood pressure (first time in her life)...and the very nice midwife named cheyanne told her to EAT PLEASE!

so after checking everything else, they gave me peanut butter crackers, an apple juice and a lengthy list of the foods i should be adding to every meal from now on to avoid dropping like a hot plate to the ground in public places.

so we are fine, both pj and i, and we are making a mental note that food is not the enemy...and that if we eat properly the chances of public embarrassment is lessoned to a certain attainable degree.

drama drama drama...and the saga continues...

i wonder what pj's powers will be...

let's call her PJ

since greg and i aren't sharing her name, i think we are going with PJ until she arrives. its a sweet combo of her grandmas...pam and jane. we think she likes it...so please don't ask, cause we aren't going to break until that cold february day she arrives.

so PJ wouldn't turn for the profile shot, so the full frontal shot is a bit strange to look at...but there is nothing strange about her adorable little bottom and tiny legs stretched out...or her fingers (all five of them) poking out of the darkness.

i cannot wait to look into her eyes, squeeze her cheeks and hold that hand...yes, we are still loving life.

*on a side note, i got sick again. i am thinking pasta and pizza are off the list of foods for good. its all worth it though...to be happy and healthy and getting ready for my daughter.

good luck joshua...good luck.

Welcome Joshua Boden George!

My amazing sister had her third handsome boy on September 25 at around 2:30pm. I missed getting to see the little bugger born by a half an hour...but i am sure i will make up for it as an aunt.
He is perfect, the biggest and longest one yet. 8 lbs.1 oz. 22 1/4 inches long. Within the first hour of his life he urinated, puked, farted, and pooped. God he is definitely all boy. and more adorable than anything with his deep dimple, and opposite faint dimple. he is very oral, sucking on his whole hand if he could fit it in there.

here are some pics that i got as soon as i could to capture the moment. i already love him so much!

SHE is PERFECT

That's right, I said the pronoun.

SHE SHE SHE SHE SHE SHE SHE SHE

I can't stop saying it. and it feels so right. and i just knew it. somehow i knew it.

i even wore a pink skirt and some pink underwear today to prepare for HER.

and she is perfect. kicking her legs around, moving her arms, popping her head in and out of focus.

I have never seen anything so cute in my life. i am in love with my daughter.

and our scanner/printer is on the fritz so getting the ultrasound shot on here may be a miracle.
and i think we have had our share of miracles today. so i am not pushing it.



things that immediately flushed through my mind when the technician whispered "its a girl" to me.....
1. blonde hair, blue eyes just like her mama.
2. my sister
3. my mom
4. my grandma
5. the ballet
6. teaching her to draw
7. teaching her to dance
8. teaching her to shop
9. how wrapped around her finger greg will be...
10. the words "my daughter"

my mom, aunt susy, mother-in-law, and greg were standing waiting. My sister who goes into the hospital tonight to start labor with my nephew, was on speakerphone. The technician was awesome, she really dug around to be sure before she whispered quietly to me what it was...and when she did i yelled it!

my mom couldn't believe it. neither could my aunt susy. my mother-in-law hugged greg. greg jumped on his phone to text. and my sister let out a blood-curdling scream...part of which i am sure stemmed from a bit of rage, and a huge part from happiness.

it was a great moment. i will never forget it. my daughter.

i called my dad, then my brothers. all asked how kate was...and then immediately asked if mom was already at the stores. my family knows each other really well.

i of course, having not purchased a gosh-darn thing for this baby...immediately ran to the GAP.
i bought my first little hot pink onesie. and i stopped there. moderation. i am going to try to teach my daughter what i never understood. moderation.

feeling anything but moderation in the happiness department tonight.

pictures to come soon i promise. i really do.

ahhh. my daughter.

now of course, you know what this means?

she NEEDS a SISTER.

heartbeat skipped my own...

there really is nothing like the sound of your baby's heartbeat.

especially when you are a nervous freak of a future mom like i am.

but at the doctor today, everything was fine and dandy.

she says i am doing everything right.

and that i can even take a tylenol PM if its really bad.

i have a question...is it bad when you finally go to bed around 11pm, wake up at 2:30am, and then can't go back to sleep all night.

my students can answer that question.

baby is fine. tomorrow she OR he will let us know the pronoun of choice.

cannot wait.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Greg turned old yesterday...

okay, again with the exaggerating.

he is just 36.

but i will always be almost 5 whole years younger.

and he had gray hair when i met him, so he doesn't look a day over 32.

really babe, you look amazing.

happy birthday daddy!

Our nursery is growing...just like my belly

Due to the power outage...a little shopping occured this weekend...thank you mother.

The baby now has something to sleep in, and we have something to sleep in while we rock the baby to sleep.

This baby is so darn lucky.

Just think, by this time next week, "this" baby will be known as SHE or HE.

I'm going for the SHE, greg would like a HE.

Odds are, one of us will be happy.

(truth is, we are both elated)


What is even more exciting is that next week I will get to meet my sister's third son for the first time. I absolutely cannot wait. I know everything will go well...she is an amazing mom. This time around I will be really paying attention to learn all her tricks.

18's gone with the wind...

so...i missed an update on week changes due to the sizable force of wind pressure that came to destroy both my home and my car.

ok, not destroy. but we all know i exaggerate. it makes life more exciting.

things that could have happened differently, but didn't...

1. my mom throwing a perfectly lovely wedding shower on Sunday while guests cars were getting whipped by tree limbs crashing down in the parking lot.

2. one of those cars included mine.

3. i cursed trees with expletives i can only hope my child did not hear or understand.

4. my husband stayed at home...actually stood outside our home while the massive tree (that YES, HAS DROPPED HUGE LIMBS DOWN UPON MY WINDSHIELD CRASHING IT INTO A MILLION PIECES BEFORE) split right down the middle

5. He then watched as part of it, crashed onto our roof, then with another wind, was dragged down our roof, taking part of our gutter with it...and landing on our lamppost...we were out of power from Sunday to late Tuesday.

6. We currently are unable to use our driveway, our front stairs, and we cannot touch the tree because if it snaps anymore, it could possible take out our roof and our neighbors roof..and blow up a transformer that is attached to the pole in front of our house.

7. did i mention that i cursed all trees.

8. did i mention that i am in charge of recycling at my school...and yet again, i was faced with having to overcome my anger with trees to save many today by allowing my students to pick up recycling.

9. i hate nature. or at the very least, i hate having to pay for what nature does to me.

10. by the way, the baby is fine.

17....and sleepy

so...i am officially a full 17 weeks today.

and to be honest with you, i am tired. not the first trimester kind of tired. but just regular, not sleeping well at all - kind of tired.

its not the baby, its that the rest of my body clicks on like a lightbulb at 4 am every night. and my husband GOD LOVE HIM snores so bad that it vibrates the bed. which you'd think would soothe me to sleep. it doesn't.

and its like i can't flip the switch for over an hour. i just lay there like a blob waiting to get tired again.

mind you i wake up every morning at 5:45am for school. so i have about 30 minutes of sleep that may or may not happen between getting tired again and before my alarm goes off.

everyone says that i will never sleep again. which is making me nervous because i am not a nice person without it. watch out baby. i guess i apologize now.


signs of exhausting happiness:
...apparently my belly is out there far enough that people are touching it...i don't care, its just a weird phenomenon.
...and when they don't touch it, they comment, or nod, or smile bigger, or open doors.
...and i guess my baby is now 5 inches long-and its bones are hardening...cute i guess.
...two weeks until we find out the sex.
...two weeks until my sister has her third baby...cannot wait to meet him!

avocados? eww.

so right now, according to schedule my baby is as big as an avocado. about 4 1/2 inches head to butt.

i don't like avocados...does anyone have a suggestion for another fruit or veggie comparable to an avocado.

this whole food association thing actually helps me, so i am not kidding.

but i don't want to think about my baby this week as an avocado, cause they are hard, bumpy, ugly things that taste awful and feel mushy inside with a HUGE ball in the middle.

nothing about that says adorable and cuddly.

its strange to think that my baby is currently growing toenails, and having his hair patterning become distinguished. the eyes are in the right place by now, and the ears are as well.

i remember when we went to the bodies exhibit, it was between week 14 and week 17 that there was a doubling in size of the baby. so i am thinking this baby is more than an avocado as I start into my 17th week.

by the end of this week it will appear to be more like a small nerf football.

while a nerf football isn't much more adorable than an avocado, it is a bit more cuddly.

just a thought.

its official...

i felt the baby.

air bubbles popping. four of them in a row.

and no, it wasn't gas.

just had to mark this milestone with a post.

that was "wicked awesome" as my friend abby would say.

wicked awesome enough to wake greg up to tell him.

i think after his coffee he will be just as excited as i am.

In my 16th week and wondering...

what will my baby look like?
i am thinking there are only two versions if its a boy. the dark version or the light version...what do you think my chances are?

too pooped to pop...

so you know how i have been saying that i feel bigger than i should be...well, i woke up two days ago and WHAM...my belly is OUT THERE.

which, since we all know i am freak with my fears...i asked my doctor if my belly was normal for four months. she said, "honey, nothing is really normal with pregnancy".

therefore, my fear remains.

and its not like i ever had full view of my feet when i looked down because of the chest god threw on me, i still could see toenails...and those are gone. very very very disconcerting.

HAPPY, GLOWY, baby stuff you ask?

1. the irish sweater that my mother in law gave the baby is 100% adorable.

2. the scottish onesie-zip-up sack for wintery weather that my mom gave the baby is 100% adorable.

3. the yuppie connecticut (martha stewart) yellow rug for the baby room is 100% adorable.

4. the heartbeat that i heard again today at my appointment measuring in the high 140's is 100% adorable...

5. the ultrasound appointment to find out the sex of our baby in four weeks is 100% scheduled!

im just cloning perfection

so my tummy is definitely visible and i started back to school this Wednesday.

the kids were really not sure if they should say anything, but i saw their "wow-mrs.lynch-has-a-larger-belly" faces and spoke quickly before they could say anything they might regret.

i told a few of my classes that i wasn't pregnant..i was just cloning perfection. like three kids laughed. which means only three kids got it. silly sheltered catholic kids.

they were very excited however. and laughed when i explained that they were going to have to figure out how to keep their bookbags under their chairs because soon i won't be able to see what's beneath my belly and i can't afford to trip. i have tripped twice, so much for their concern.

they are sweet about it though, wanting to know the sex, the name, when i am leaving, who will be their sub. you know - the important stuff. and to answer them i simply say "get your books out and zip your mouths"

i think this year i am little more relaxed. maybe that has to do with having to take it easy, maybe that has to do with having two grades in the building know me and trust my teaching style. maybe its that i know i can do my job and have fun at the same time.

maybe its because one of my boys is totally entertaining, and performed "its raining men" for me this afternoon while waiting for the car-riders to be called. hand-gestures were included (disco style)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so i am here 14 weeks and a day. i read that my baby can squint, frown, pee, and suck its thumb. not sure how proud i am of any of those...but i guess a milestone is a milestone any way that it comes.

the baby is technically as big as a lemon. but my belly seems to show that its more the size of an orange. so whichever way you look at it...my baby is a still fruit-sized and making its own urine.

yum. orange juice anyone?

someday i will have the guts to take some pictures of my belly and post them. for now...that feels odd. maybe its the fat girl in me that never thought it appropriate to show off anything large if i didn't have to...so you will have to wait and see.

drs. appointment next week...crazy to think i will be 15 weeks by then. when you count in weeks...this whole thing goes very fast.

spoke too soon...

so the other day i was talking to a bunch of people about how great it is that i haven't gotten sick yet...you know, due to this whole life dwelling inside me.

i gave like three high-fives out on how awesome my body is being to me.

then that night, my body refused to stay cool. it rejected spaghetti like it has never rejected it before.

i swear to you all, i have only been that sick twice since i was a baby.
1. too much pizza in high school when i binged to get over a break-up
2. my 21st and the 10 shots lined up on the bar that i only remember 4 of...

and now,
3. spaghetti.

i have learned that i will take the rest of this pregnancy one day at a time...and not say again what hasn't happened because there will always be a YET that follows that statement.

my empathy and complete sympathy goes out to those women who get sick everyday through pregnancy. awful awful awful...awful.

sorry if this made any of you sick...but then you may have greater empathy for me if you did.

welcome to this century...

i joined facebook...only when i was told for certain that i could "ignore" any chance for my students to find me on-line.

and it feels great to catch up with people i haven't heard from in forever...people who didn't even know i was married, much less popping out of my normal clothes with child. its reminding me in a very sentimental way that i know a lot of wonderful people out there.

that feels like a nice big hug.

not that i need one...i.e. the following signs of glowing happiness:

1. my mom gave me the most perfect diaper bag. if you know me at all you know i love purses, bags, anything big and loud. its huge, its yellow, its patent leather. watch out baby-yo'mama looks fabulous.

2. greg and i went to don pablos to celebrate "no more meds" week. the queso was worth the pain that followed it. so was the hot apple pie on a skillet.

3. while it was also sad...it was a cool realization. i had a normal shirt on yesterday, and while shopping i passed a mirror and realized my shirt no longer fit and the maternity tank i was wearing under it had saved me and others from viewing more than was necessary. maternity tops - here i come.

4. donuts...i saw some yesterday. i didn't eat them. they just make me happy.

5. favorite gift so far - my grandmothers monogrammed silver brush, comb, and mirror set. it was a wedding gift for her almost 65 years ago. when she passed away it was the only thing i really wanted of hers...i can't wait to give it to my daughter when she gets married. just looking at it makes me think of her. and that always makes me happy. always.

looks like we made it...

twelve weeks. 7 weeks ago dr. chin said that if we made it to 12 that the majority of my risk factors would just disappear. the baby would have everything it needs then-and it would just bake from then on. no more drugs, just vitamins.

we are here. all 3 of us made it, a little stronger than we started. i have to say out loud that i am actually proud of my husband and my self. some big tears, and some scary moments have passed.
but some sweet moments, and happy talks have also come.

the heartbeat is strong. didn't get to hear it today at the ultrasound which really both 1. pissed me off and 2. made me sad. last week my mom and i got to hear the heartbeat. this week with greg, greg's mom, my mom and i were present to watch the little person jump around and to let them hear the beat...but the technician kept saying "i personally don't use that type of machine this early on"
(meanwhile i am thinking, i just told you i had it done last week, so what you are saying is that the technician i had last week was taking major risks with my baby...come'on lady...think.idiot.)

i am still really struggling with the whole good sam thing, and this did not help in any way whatsoever.

so the nasty technician better not be there for my week 20. or the momzilla in me may just have to be released.

the photo shoot went well i guess....clockwise: found a heartrate 151. saw a raised hand. and the third picture...well, i can't figure out the profile-see if you can? and finally, saw what seems to be a sweet pic of the baby's face.

my mom thinks it looks like a girl. but really, even if its a boy it will look as good in pink as his dad does, so i am not worried at all. i guess in 8 weeks we'll know for sure.

just like dad...

i know you can't tell already...but i really do think our baby will look just like his daddy.
this is greg at about five months...and while my head was not much smaller, i think he's got me beat...

baby big head

here is baby big head...and since they dont give you a video of the ultrasound you will just have to picture the baby kicking out its leg and bouncing completely off the side of the sac...too darn cute. maybe its brain is just so large it won't fit in a normal shaped head...yeah, see, then we won't have to pay for college-scholarships a'plenty for smarty pants in there!

drama drama drama

i swear, this kid is definitely mine. (not that i was questioning whose child it was...just making a point...oh forget it)

so again with the spotting. if you are a man, just skip this entry...if you can't handle the drama.

yesterday, i was about to take a walk with my parents-took a quick bathroom trip and realized i had spotted again. major melt down commenced immediately. called every doctor in town. finally one of the midwives called me back to let me know she would call and order an ultrasound to be scheduled by the office sometime this week.

week..i thought...week...not good.

so at 10:30 at night it happened again. needless to say, there was not a chance for sleep last night. so at 8 exactly i was calling and when they finally called me back they said i had a half an hour to be at bethesda north.

bethesda north is approximately 15 minutes from my house. and i drive like an andretti. only it seemed that miss daisy was being driven in every lane.

then i waited, fortunately my mom could meet me out there...not sure i could have done that by myself. (THANKS MOM!!!) then we waited for what felt like forever.

and i saw this bouncing, kicking, big headed, heart beating baby on the screen.

and for the first time, i heard its heartbeat. unbelievable. there is something so soothing about that picture...that flutter...and now that sound.

and for the first time since 2:30 yesterday - i could breathe.


(greg moved the computer equipment...so i am not sure how to scan on our printer...picture to come later of baby big head...)

10 weeks & 2 days?

so i had my first appointment with my midwife yesterday. and while i know it seems very odd - i was really looking forward to it because i love my midwife. she is hands down the coolest, sweetest, kindest, funniest medical person i have ever known. i started seeing her last may about wanting to get pregnant and having a hard time. she started my surgical journey with a lot of laughs, and very supported tears. she talked to me like a friend rather than a patient. especially about her continuous struggle to get pregnant.

she diagnosed, she treated, she hugged, she got excited for me, she hooked me up with Dr. Chin. But since it was mostly surgeries from January on-i didn't get to see her much at all. i was afraid she had forgotten about me. she even switched practices.

well i hunted her down. and waited two hours in a waiting room. had serious amounts of blood drawn. (OUCH). and then wham, she came bouncing into the room screaming "MEG! YOURE PREGNANT!!!! OH MY GOOODNESSS!" and then hugged me. it didn't matter that i was half naked on a table.

she just rocks.

and the best part was that she had news of her own. she is due in November. we were like giddy schoolgirls sharing secrets. except i don't recommend teenage pregnancy.

she even said she would lie to get me an ultrasound sooner cause she knows how hard it is to go so long now after fertility treatment weekly. she is just plain incredible. so i will get to see the baby in 3-D in two weeks!

so according to stacy, my miracle midwife,

• my tummy is measuring bigger than most at this point and that is ok because one of the drugs i was on tends to swell the uterus. i am ok with this, but it does feel odd to show so much (and while some of it may be chub...i really had lost most of my stomach before this baby, so there...)
• she won' t try to hear the heartbeat for another month-the longer you wait the stronger and louder it gets. if she tried and heard nothing - it wouldn't mean anything and would just get me all worked up.
• she said i could rent a doppler machine-but that it might get me a little obsessed and cause more undue stress. but how cool would that be?
  
• i still get to get off all my meds by my 12th week. wahooooooooo!
• and my official due date is February 18th. (even though the nurse who drew my blood said i was 10 weeks and two days)

so great appointment, great midwife, feeling great all around...i didn't even nap yesterday so that has to be some sort of record.

9 weeks...no pics

today i am officially 9 weeks. which means my baby no longer has a tail and can bend all its limbs.

and while the baby is only about an inch long-i bet its the cutest inch i have ever seen. only there is no photo shoot this week.

i think i have been totally spoiled with how many times i have seen pictures. and i am having a bit of a hard time with it. pictures were slowly letting it sink in. don't get me wrong, i know i will have a baby in 7 months. but still, watching it so closely for 8 weeks, and now i have to just let it grow up without me (well within me-but you know).

oh well, i am just feeling sad. and wishing this week away so i can hear the heartbeat next week. but after that - who knows.

okay. i will shut up now. (and yes in case you are wondering-6-10 weeks along is when supposedly the mood swings begin - i am just not used to them, haven't had them since highschool)


i had so much fun this past weekend. I went away to French Lick for some lady bonding with my mom and my sister. i ate pizza and had a cookie (none of which i have done since June 9) and i loved it.

but i think the baby hates pizza and cookies cause it got very angry and told my stomach to stay mad for two days. man, i guess mama can't go to buffets anymore. grrrrrrr.

and i got a delicious massage. which would be the best i have felt in two months. i had to stop myself a few times from groaning. and i told my sister before i went in how i was nervous that would fart (pregnancy=gassy) but thank god, 50 minutes later and i hadn't.

i hope we always do that stuff. go away, without kids, with kids, whatever. its just nice.

our childs head is as big as its body...

now, i know this fact to be normal for its development. but there is something about the two of us that makes me think it could possibly stay this way. in case it does, it is okay to stare-i am just letting you all know that now so you won't feel awkward when i give birth to a head with legs.

if you look at the picture upside down then it looks like a baby. sorta. heartbeat strong, head big, arm buds and leg buds all noticeable...the best part was Chin warning greg that the big circular thing near our child's bottom was NOT in fact a scrotum. greg would be proud though...a scrotum as big as its head.

so, no, i am not giving birth to a big head, a big scrotum and legs. let's hope. puberty would be tougher than normal.

SIGNS OF UTTER HAPPINESS: i get to go off of my least favorite medicine in two weeks. then in four weeks (unless my new OB objects) i will go off the baby aspirin and glucophage....which - in case you were all wondering - is the medicine that has KEPT me from consuming kettle donuts and oreos like a jolly pregnant lady.

only, i think for my own health and for the baby's, i will try to stick as closely to what i have been doing. this week, my eighth week of pregnancy, i lost 5 pounds. sounds weird huh? but i feel great, except for being completely exhausted. and i have to say, having less of an ass has boosted my self-esteem immensely.

for those of you concerned...don't be, i have a feeling all this poundage will catch back up with me around December.

i watched a BABY STORY yesterday...a woman had a C-section (thank god) and gave birth to an 11 lb 2.8 oz baby boy. i am simply trying to avoid going over my personal best (i weighed 10.3)


My DEEPEST THANKS to Dr. Chin and all his staff. today was our final appointment with them. they feel good enough about this baby to let us go into "normal land" with a "normal OB" . i have never been so happy and so sad all at the same time. they made every small step seem like i had just climbed a mountain-that i should be proud of tiny things because every tiny thing was a huge miracle. they were sweet and excited and so happy for us-every appointment. i will miss them...Dr. Chin gave us a silver spoon for our baby, and told us to bring the baby in to say hello and share photos with them. They said we could come back for the next one - even if its easy to conceive. Cincinnati sure is lucky to have them and so was baby lynch.

the fourth and a THIRD?

so this past weekend was the fourth of july. which means family-time. my brother, my sister-in-law, and my two nieces came nieces came into town to celebrate with us-there was swimming, bike-riding, napping, eating, racing, reading, napping, eating...etc.

my cousin got married on the fifth-which was so much fun. beautiful wedding, great food, terrific cookies-and lots of dancing. this is greg and i hanging out on the side of the dancefloor watching my niece and nephews tear it up with their moves.


it also happen to be the perfect opportunity for every single member of my family to hear my news AND my brother's news as well. THAT's RIGHT...my brother and my sister-in-law will have their third baby in January-a month before we have ours.

so my mom will go from four to seven in a matter of 6 months. HOW AMAZING!

8 weeks and counting

so this is a picture of my baby at 7 weeks. yes, i am already behind with the updated photos and the baby isn't even born yet.

today however officially marks the eighth week of joy and exhaustion. tomorrow greg and i will have another photo shoot with Dr. Chin.

last week the amazing nurses at Dr. Chin's office let me come in for a free ultrasound-it was perfect though, they get to file it away to keep up their ultrasound license and i got a sneak peak and my growing baby.

this one was the coolest, because you could actually see a bend in the baby. a head, a tail, and paddles for hands. it had grown to 15 mm and the sac its floating in had grown to a whopping 21 mm.

now i am a weird one, because i am fascinated with my insides. she showed me my ovaries, measuring them-congratulating me on having beautiful ones. and of course, i thanked her. well, what are you supposed to say. i secretly wanted pictures of them as well, but was afraid to ask. plus, you all don't really want to see them (even though they really do look fabulous).

i can't wait til tomorrow morning, to see those paddles into hands-to see our kidney bean growing bigger and bigger. by then, the baby should be about 21 to 22 mm in size.

meanwhile, this pill-popping, diet-starving mama needs food. i know that trying to avoid diabetes and miscarriage are at the root of all this work-so i am more than willing to play along. but mama needs cheetos. mama needs oreos and milk. mama needs a kettle donut, STAT. i guess that does mean i am addicted to carbs. i don't know many people who aren't though. bread is everywhere. carbs are in EVERYTHING. yesterday i tried to rationalize to myself how many bricks out of a hershey bar with almonds i could have to keep the carbs under 10.

instead i figured out that i could have 32 baked cheetos-and stay within a normal expected guideline of snacking. 32 baked cheetos sounded better than 8 bricks of a chocolate bar.
and i was so proud of myself-that i had less than 32.

it is weird to think that now i am only a few weeks away from hearing a heart beat. it felt like forever ago-when i was five weeks and he said wait another five weeks and that blob on the screen will actually be detectable by sound.

i just feel really lucky. hungry, but still very lucky. 8 weeks and counting...what a miracle.


proof that i am pregnant : i am starving. literally everything sounds good. except eggs. just the thought of an egg...well...nevermind. and i am exhausted. not that i am doing anything to create the exhaustion. i simply start something, and then have zero energy to finish it. i think my couch hates me, or at the very least its sick of me.

is it too early to be nesting?

so this whole concept of someone entering my house to stay has me wanting to change everything. i want wall to wall carpet. i want new bold colors. i want emptiness.

so far, the only thing i have done is emptied my closets. yes, that word was plural. and i am making myself sick with the amount of clothes i just don't even wear.

5 Glad ForceFlex Lawn bags later, (one filled completely with shoes...) i have to say

1. i am very proud of my ability to discern fashion forward from fashion rewind.
2. i am disgusted by myself.

my only real excuse was that for almost three and half years i had an awesome discount to old navy, gap, and banana. most of what is going in those bags was never purchased full price. and most of the shoes were payless whims at BOGO sales.

and i am like oprah. almost every size is present. well, lets be realistic many sizes are not.

i did have to laugh at this long-sleeved abercrombie t-shirt that i wore in college and loved. i honestly don't think there is ONE THING i could fit in now in that store. (but my shirt still fits perfectly ha ha ha skinny pretty people-there was a time when everyone wore that crap)

or how about the half-sleeved sweater (never wore it thank god)

or the polka-dotted dress and corresponding jacket (again, thank god)

or the 3 million concert t-shirts...(well, i kept a few only to prove to my child how cool i really am, "yes dear, mommy saw snoop dogg before he gave up drugs" "oh yeah, well tell timmy that your mom saw Coldplay in a bar" )

and now, on to my husbands closet. yes, that was singular. actually, i gave him a rack in the basement. let's see if you can beat my 5 bags baby! CHALLENGE!

just the start of stressin'out

before i say anything, know that the baby is fine. but geez, if this is truly any indication for how stressed i am going to be as a mom we are in for it.

on friday night i had my first scare. i spotted. which if you are a guy, then don't ask. if you are a girl, you know how this never means anything good. especially when you are pregnant.

of course, melodramatic mama that i am, i flipped out. called my sister at 11:30 at night, didn't sleep but two hours, called my amazing doctor in the a.m. and he calmly told me to come in for an ultrasound.

there was nothing calm about my getting there. pouring rain, slightly elevated speeds, and wham i made it to fairfield in 15 minutes (usually takes 30).

then of course i waited. that is the worst. i don't care how soothing the cool pink walls are, or how nice and funny the nurses are...or how many cute babies were in the waiting room. waiting is the worst.

i didn't call my husband because of all saturdays, he had inventory at the hospital, his busiest day of the year.

so i went it alone.

and in the 15 minutes that i sat in that exam room (half-undressed and slightly chilled) i just prayed. i usually don't do that. but it seemed like a pretty good time. and i guess it worked.

because my incredible doctor came in, immediately fired up the baby photo shoot, and there it was, the heart beat. and my baby had grown 3 MM to a whopping 10. i am so proud.

Dr. Chin is so smart that he knew how out of my mind i was, he told me in short and sweet directions what i was supposed to do. which was NOTHING. so nothing wins. i am caught up on all things recorded. i have downed almost an entire case of aquafina. seriously, i haven't even showered in two days. gross yes, but if you had been there friday night, you would know how willing i was to do anything to keep this baby healthy.

i think the nurses may let me back between now and my next appt. for another ultrasound. i can't get enough of my millimeter-sized cutie.


the caca diagnosis has been resolved in case you were wondering.

things that remind me that i am still very pregnant: still with the nipples-good god(thanks for the octagon tip bren), the quick tears(yesterday i cried five times), the exhaustion(doing nothing caused this though)
cravings this week (most of what i cannot have) : crunchwrap supremes, tomato-basil soup, oreos w milk, cheetos or anything flavored with artificial cheese.
god i am hungry.