last day...

so i have officially put in for maternity leave.

everyday that i have left school for a week now, i have left detailed notes as to what should happen if i don't come back the next day.

i can't do it anymore. its deflating to my spirit to come back every morning to my notes.
so i told my principal that today is my last day. i am prepared to just be home and miserably waiting for her to arrive. even if it isn't for another freaking week.

i can't walk that hallway to that bathroom one more time, or wait for the elevator to go anywhere one more time, or summon up enough energy to do anything but word searches and crosswords and speed drills with my students. they deserve better. so i am out.

my line in the sand was when i asked two of my favorite girl students to "go over there and see what the HELL those boys are doing". i of course apologized the next day. i am sure if they told their moms at all - they probably just laughed. but its the principle of the thing.

so, at 2:45 - i don't work here until May. i am having a hard time wrapping my mind around not being here. i know it sounds funny, but i love these kids, and the idea that i won't get to laugh with them is sorta killing me. and i think its sorta the way i am going to feel when i drop p.j. off at daycare. i am gonna miss her everyday stuff...the little moments...that you can't get back.

okay, if i don't stop typing i will start crying. so...signing off as a teacher today.
hopefully signing on next time as a mommy.