dramatic scene #466

i am not even sure if this is something to blog about. but writing has always made me feel better. and i guess if you are all reading this cause you want to keep updated, this would be important to share.

plus maybe one or two of you reading this knows something that i don't...and well...i am having a hard time talking about it, without breaking down into a mess so its better that you read rather than decipher through my annoying tears. by the way, no, its not really something i am loving to talk about these days - so just say a prayer for me and i will keep you updated about anything.

i got a call yesterday from one of my midwives. she said that on the ultrasound that was done last weds. that they found what are called bilateral choroid plexus cysts on her brain.

which in terms that i understand means: she has a cyst on either side of her brain.

what that means to us: blood tests taken yesterday to screen for down syndrome (T-13), spina bifida, and T-18. if my tests come back NORMAL then there is very little to worry about and about 95% of the time the cysts dissolve after 28 weeks. if my tests come back ABNORMAL then the only thing they can do for us is offer an amniocentesis to determine an even greater chance of one of those 3 disabilities. and that is a test that i am not sure i would even undergo because of the high level of risk for such an unsure assessment.

NONE of these options guarantee the cysts will dissolve. NONE of these guarantee that our child will be born with a disability. NONE of these are as good as another ultrasound at week 32 (December 24) to determine for sure that the cysts have in fact dissolved.

here's what we have to be hopeful for (a list i am really trying to committ to memory) :
1. everything else on the ultrasound was normal
2. i am under 35
3. i have no history whatsoever of disability in my family history, neither does greg
4. monday or tuesday of next week when we find out the results of the blood tests

this hasn't been the greatest week on record people...vomitting, fainting, cysts. and i know that positive thoughts are important...so if you could all think some for me and baby pj it would be much appreciated. i am really trying hard to think some for us too.

thanks

for first time ever...

i am being told to eat more.

so today started out great. i woke up after an almost entire nights sleep, had a bowl of cereal by 830. i had showered, and set off to run some errrands.

while standing at a kinko's picture making machine, i started to get the shakes. kinko's started to spin around and around, and i knew leaning against the machine wasn't enough.

so dripping in sweat, white as a ghost, shaking with that pre-puke feeling...i dropped to the ground.

thank god there was a nice man unloading boxes right beside me. he asked if i was alright...i said nope. he ran and got one of the nice kinko's workers, who immediately brought me a chair, and a glass of water. i called greg, then my midwife.

minutes later greg was there to pick me up, and the doctor called back saying that maybe i should come in and have my vitals and the baby's checked. So off to Good Sam we went.

in conclusion of dramatic scene #465 Baby PJ is fine with a lovely heartrate, and great leg powers as she kept kicking the ultrasound wand. Baby mama however had low blood pressure (first time in her life)...and the very nice midwife named cheyanne told her to EAT PLEASE!

so after checking everything else, they gave me peanut butter crackers, an apple juice and a lengthy list of the foods i should be adding to every meal from now on to avoid dropping like a hot plate to the ground in public places.

so we are fine, both pj and i, and we are making a mental note that food is not the enemy...and that if we eat properly the chances of public embarrassment is lessoned to a certain attainable degree.

drama drama drama...and the saga continues...

i wonder what pj's powers will be...

let's call her PJ

since greg and i aren't sharing her name, i think we are going with PJ until she arrives. its a sweet combo of her grandmas...pam and jane. we think she likes it...so please don't ask, cause we aren't going to break until that cold february day she arrives.

so PJ wouldn't turn for the profile shot, so the full frontal shot is a bit strange to look at...but there is nothing strange about her adorable little bottom and tiny legs stretched out...or her fingers (all five of them) poking out of the darkness.

i cannot wait to look into her eyes, squeeze her cheeks and hold that hand...yes, we are still loving life.

*on a side note, i got sick again. i am thinking pasta and pizza are off the list of foods for good. its all worth it though...to be happy and healthy and getting ready for my daughter.

good luck joshua...good luck.

Welcome Joshua Boden George!

My amazing sister had her third handsome boy on September 25 at around 2:30pm. I missed getting to see the little bugger born by a half an hour...but i am sure i will make up for it as an aunt.
He is perfect, the biggest and longest one yet. 8 lbs.1 oz. 22 1/4 inches long. Within the first hour of his life he urinated, puked, farted, and pooped. God he is definitely all boy. and more adorable than anything with his deep dimple, and opposite faint dimple. he is very oral, sucking on his whole hand if he could fit it in there.

here are some pics that i got as soon as i could to capture the moment. i already love him so much!

SHE is PERFECT

That's right, I said the pronoun.

SHE SHE SHE SHE SHE SHE SHE SHE

I can't stop saying it. and it feels so right. and i just knew it. somehow i knew it.

i even wore a pink skirt and some pink underwear today to prepare for HER.

and she is perfect. kicking her legs around, moving her arms, popping her head in and out of focus.

I have never seen anything so cute in my life. i am in love with my daughter.

and our scanner/printer is on the fritz so getting the ultrasound shot on here may be a miracle.
and i think we have had our share of miracles today. so i am not pushing it.



things that immediately flushed through my mind when the technician whispered "its a girl" to me.....
1. blonde hair, blue eyes just like her mama.
2. my sister
3. my mom
4. my grandma
5. the ballet
6. teaching her to draw
7. teaching her to dance
8. teaching her to shop
9. how wrapped around her finger greg will be...
10. the words "my daughter"

my mom, aunt susy, mother-in-law, and greg were standing waiting. My sister who goes into the hospital tonight to start labor with my nephew, was on speakerphone. The technician was awesome, she really dug around to be sure before she whispered quietly to me what it was...and when she did i yelled it!

my mom couldn't believe it. neither could my aunt susy. my mother-in-law hugged greg. greg jumped on his phone to text. and my sister let out a blood-curdling scream...part of which i am sure stemmed from a bit of rage, and a huge part from happiness.

it was a great moment. i will never forget it. my daughter.

i called my dad, then my brothers. all asked how kate was...and then immediately asked if mom was already at the stores. my family knows each other really well.

i of course, having not purchased a gosh-darn thing for this baby...immediately ran to the GAP.
i bought my first little hot pink onesie. and i stopped there. moderation. i am going to try to teach my daughter what i never understood. moderation.

feeling anything but moderation in the happiness department tonight.

pictures to come soon i promise. i really do.

ahhh. my daughter.

now of course, you know what this means?

she NEEDS a SISTER.

heartbeat skipped my own...

there really is nothing like the sound of your baby's heartbeat.

especially when you are a nervous freak of a future mom like i am.

but at the doctor today, everything was fine and dandy.

she says i am doing everything right.

and that i can even take a tylenol PM if its really bad.

i have a question...is it bad when you finally go to bed around 11pm, wake up at 2:30am, and then can't go back to sleep all night.

my students can answer that question.

baby is fine. tomorrow she OR he will let us know the pronoun of choice.

cannot wait.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Greg turned old yesterday...

okay, again with the exaggerating.

he is just 36.

but i will always be almost 5 whole years younger.

and he had gray hair when i met him, so he doesn't look a day over 32.

really babe, you look amazing.

happy birthday daddy!

Our nursery is growing...just like my belly

Due to the power outage...a little shopping occured this weekend...thank you mother.

The baby now has something to sleep in, and we have something to sleep in while we rock the baby to sleep.

This baby is so darn lucky.

Just think, by this time next week, "this" baby will be known as SHE or HE.

I'm going for the SHE, greg would like a HE.

Odds are, one of us will be happy.

(truth is, we are both elated)


What is even more exciting is that next week I will get to meet my sister's third son for the first time. I absolutely cannot wait. I know everything will go well...she is an amazing mom. This time around I will be really paying attention to learn all her tricks.

18's gone with the wind...

so...i missed an update on week changes due to the sizable force of wind pressure that came to destroy both my home and my car.

ok, not destroy. but we all know i exaggerate. it makes life more exciting.

things that could have happened differently, but didn't...

1. my mom throwing a perfectly lovely wedding shower on Sunday while guests cars were getting whipped by tree limbs crashing down in the parking lot.

2. one of those cars included mine.

3. i cursed trees with expletives i can only hope my child did not hear or understand.

4. my husband stayed at home...actually stood outside our home while the massive tree (that YES, HAS DROPPED HUGE LIMBS DOWN UPON MY WINDSHIELD CRASHING IT INTO A MILLION PIECES BEFORE) split right down the middle

5. He then watched as part of it, crashed onto our roof, then with another wind, was dragged down our roof, taking part of our gutter with it...and landing on our lamppost...we were out of power from Sunday to late Tuesday.

6. We currently are unable to use our driveway, our front stairs, and we cannot touch the tree because if it snaps anymore, it could possible take out our roof and our neighbors roof..and blow up a transformer that is attached to the pole in front of our house.

7. did i mention that i cursed all trees.

8. did i mention that i am in charge of recycling at my school...and yet again, i was faced with having to overcome my anger with trees to save many today by allowing my students to pick up recycling.

9. i hate nature. or at the very least, i hate having to pay for what nature does to me.

10. by the way, the baby is fine.

17....and sleepy

so...i am officially a full 17 weeks today.

and to be honest with you, i am tired. not the first trimester kind of tired. but just regular, not sleeping well at all - kind of tired.

its not the baby, its that the rest of my body clicks on like a lightbulb at 4 am every night. and my husband GOD LOVE HIM snores so bad that it vibrates the bed. which you'd think would soothe me to sleep. it doesn't.

and its like i can't flip the switch for over an hour. i just lay there like a blob waiting to get tired again.

mind you i wake up every morning at 5:45am for school. so i have about 30 minutes of sleep that may or may not happen between getting tired again and before my alarm goes off.

everyone says that i will never sleep again. which is making me nervous because i am not a nice person without it. watch out baby. i guess i apologize now.


signs of exhausting happiness:
...apparently my belly is out there far enough that people are touching it...i don't care, its just a weird phenomenon.
...and when they don't touch it, they comment, or nod, or smile bigger, or open doors.
...and i guess my baby is now 5 inches long-and its bones are hardening...cute i guess.
...two weeks until we find out the sex.
...two weeks until my sister has her third baby...cannot wait to meet him!

avocados? eww.

so right now, according to schedule my baby is as big as an avocado. about 4 1/2 inches head to butt.

i don't like avocados...does anyone have a suggestion for another fruit or veggie comparable to an avocado.

this whole food association thing actually helps me, so i am not kidding.

but i don't want to think about my baby this week as an avocado, cause they are hard, bumpy, ugly things that taste awful and feel mushy inside with a HUGE ball in the middle.

nothing about that says adorable and cuddly.

its strange to think that my baby is currently growing toenails, and having his hair patterning become distinguished. the eyes are in the right place by now, and the ears are as well.

i remember when we went to the bodies exhibit, it was between week 14 and week 17 that there was a doubling in size of the baby. so i am thinking this baby is more than an avocado as I start into my 17th week.

by the end of this week it will appear to be more like a small nerf football.

while a nerf football isn't much more adorable than an avocado, it is a bit more cuddly.

just a thought.

its official...

i felt the baby.

air bubbles popping. four of them in a row.

and no, it wasn't gas.

just had to mark this milestone with a post.

that was "wicked awesome" as my friend abby would say.

wicked awesome enough to wake greg up to tell him.

i think after his coffee he will be just as excited as i am.